pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
