Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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