idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
