She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
