I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
...so i touched it.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
