sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
