My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
