Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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