No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
