If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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