Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
