i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
