Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
