Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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