Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!