If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Randomize