i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
