So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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