Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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