I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize