I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
