i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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