That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
