I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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