So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
