guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
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the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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