Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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