So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
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You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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