just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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