fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
How's work?
Spinning.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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