things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
