I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
