So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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