Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
