I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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