Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize