I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
