no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
