Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
