and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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