Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
