So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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