butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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