There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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