All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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