i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
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He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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