Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He has the fingertips of a God
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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