absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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