soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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