loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm bleeding and have questions
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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