I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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