You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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