I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
