I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
