So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
