Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
