The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
