I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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