Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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