see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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