What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
