3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
