just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
