mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
